


Coming Out Sucks (But Sometimes There Is Kissing)

by Aeternum



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe - Muggle, Bisexual Harry Potter, Expelli-gender! 2020, Gay Neville Longbottom, M/M, Trans Harry Potter
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-12
Updated: 2020-07-12
Packaged: 2021-03-04 17:28:45
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,378
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25220122
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Aeternum/pseuds/Aeternum
Summary: For the prompt: Harry and Neville have recently started dating and though Harry trusts Neville, he's still nervous to tell his new boyfriend he's a trans man. Preferably sweet and fluffy, though it's ok if it's explicit too.
Relationships: Neville Longbottom/Harry Potter
Comments: 30
Kudos: 197
Collections: Expelli-gender! 2020





	Coming Out Sucks (But Sometimes There Is Kissing)

**Author's Note:**

  * For [webofdreams89](https://archiveofourown.org/users/webofdreams89/gifts).



> webofdreams89 you asked for sweet and fluffy so I ran with it! This is the first fest I've written for and I had a lot of fun, I really hope you enjoy it!

Not for the first time, Harry thanks his lucky stars that he had decided to get his mum a pot plant for her birthday, and had asked the advice of the very fit worker at the nursery. Neville had guided Harry to a plant that Lily ended up loving, all the while blushing prettily whenever Harry flirted with him. Harry hadn't been able to resist asking for his number, even though he hadn't really been looking to date anyone. They'd texted for a couple of weeks before Harry eventually asked him out for coffee.

Two and a half months later, and they're on their fourth date. It's been one of the happiest times in Harry's life, even though they still haven't done anything more than kiss. Neville's shy, and seems quite happy to let Harry set the pace. Harry finds he doesn't mind taking it slow; this is the first time he's dated someone who didn't already know he was trans, and he's been dreading the conversation.

And it doesn't hurt that Neville is a truly excellent kisser.

But Harry hates keeping this part of himself from Neville. It's a horrible feeling, constantly second-guessing himself, always being on guard against letting slip something that would give him away. He hates the hot, jittery feeling it gives him, reminding him of when he'd come out – both times, first as bi, then as trans. Both times had been nerve-wracking, though at least the second time around, he'd known his friends and family were fine with queer people.

But coming out as trans had also led to him and Ginny breaking up. Harry doesn't fault her – she's a lesbian, after all, and though they've remained close friends, he can't help associating coming out as trans with being dumped. It's why Harry hasn't told Neville; at first, he didn't know how to bring it up, and then by the time he'd decided on what to say, he'd fallen head over heels for the guy.

So now here he is, lying on an itchy picnic blanket and trying to work up the courage to give the short speech he'd worked on with his best friends. But all of Hermione and Ron's words of wisdom melted out of his head when he'd met Neville for their date, and Neville had given him that shy smile of his. All Harry can think of is that he can't lose Neville. He can't.

“Harry? Did you hear a single word I've said?”

Sighing, Harry runs a hand through his hair. “Sorry, Nev.”

“Is it – we can change the subject, if you want?” Neville says. “I know I tend to get a bit carried away when I start talking about plants.”

“I like it when you talk about plants,” Harry blurts.

Neville blinks. “You do?”

Harry nods. “You're cute when you get all excited.”

Neville ducks his head, but Harry still sees the blush that spreads across his cheeks. “Um, thanks,” he mumbles.

Neville really is adorable when he's flustered. It gives Harry a warm feeling, but at the same time, does nothing to dispel the butterflies that have taken up residence in his stomach. If this goes badly, it's really going to hurt to say goodbye to Neville.

Harry feels a tingling begin in his hands and feet as his anxiety increases. He shouldn't feel this nervous, he knows that – he likes and trusts Neville – but all he can think of is Ginny's face falling before she'd gently reminded him that she wasn't attracted to men. Just to make things worse, horror stories begin to flash through his mind, of trans people he's read about online, who have had their partners react badly, even violently.

 _Neville's not like that. At all. And even if he was, you're in a public park. He doesn't know where you live, and you can outrun him if it comes down to that, if you need to –_ Harry takes a deep breath, cutting off that train of thought before it can get any worse. He knows he has a tendency to catastrophise things, and with some effort, he thinks of the technique his counsellor has been teaching him.

 _Name five things you can see_ , he tells himself. _Checked picnic blanket. Picnic basket. A half-eaten sponge cake. An empty bottle of fizzy water. Our shoes next to the blanket._ It still doesn't come naturally to Harry, but he's getting better at this technique, and he's able to distract his brain out of its morbid train of thought.

Just in time, too, because Neville's gotten over his bashfulness at being complimented, and is frowning over at Harry in concern.

“So, if you like listening to me talk about plants so much, why have you been lying there looking thoroughly miserable all afternoon?”

 _Now, do it now, before he dumps you anyway for being a lunatic_ , Harry tells himself. “It's not you,” he tells Neville.

“Well, that's a good start, I guess,” Neville says, with an encouraging little smile.

“I – I just – I need to tell you something,” Harry says.

Neville's face is full of concern now. “That sounds serious.”

“It is. Er – I mean, sort of? I guess – but – not bad – at least, I hope?” Harry says.

Neville reaches out and takes hold of Harry's hand, giving it a squeeze. “Whatever it is, you can tell me.”

The warmth of Neville's hand gives Harry the courage he needs. “I'm trans,” he says.

Well. So much for the carefully prepared speech that he'd gotten Hermione to help him with.

“Oh,” Neville says.

Harry searches Neville's face for any clue what “oh” might mean. Neville's somehow frowning and smiling at the same time, and is watching Harry as closely as he's scrutinising Neville. Harry can't tell what his expression means, but surely if it were bad, Neville would have let go of Harry's hand, right?

Right?

“Is that all you're going to say?” Harry eventually asks.

“Sorry, um...” Neville shakes his head a bit. “You just took me by surprise. That wasn't what I was expecting, that's all.”

He lets go of Harry and sits up. Harry follows suit, watching Neville warily. He can't read him at all, and that's not helping his anxiety.

“Well, I guess that explains why you've been so... so distant today. You were nervous,” says Neville.

“Er, yeah. Still am,” Harry mumbles.

Understanding flashes over Neville's face. “Sorry, sorry. This doesn't change anything – at least, not for me.”

“Are you sure?” Harry asks.

“Um, yes?” Neville says. “I mean, I like men, you're a man, so – unless I've got this backwards?”

“No, I'm a man,” Harry says, then, in case there's still any confusion, “I'm a trans man.”

“Right. Well. Then, yes, no problem from my end,” says Neville.

“Brilliant,” Harry says, with a breathy laugh.

Neville shuffles closer and takes hold of both of Harry's hands. “Can you please relax now? You're giving me flashbacks to when I came out to Gran.”

Harry laughs properly this time, the first real laugh since they first met up that day. “Sorry.”

“No, I'm sorry if anything I've said or done made you think I'd react badly,” says Neville.

Harry shakes his head. “Just the usual coming out nerves.”

“Good – well, not good – but yes, good, in that I'd hate to think I'd done something to make this harder than it had to be,” says Neville.

“No, not at all,” says Harry.

“You still look nervous, though. Is there anything I can do to help?”

“Kiss me?”

Neville's lips curve into a soft smile as he reaches up to cup Harry's face. He's still smiling as he brushes his lips over Harry's. “Better?”

“A little.”

“Only a little, huh? That won't do.” Neville kisses him again, firmer this time. “How about that?”

Harry smiles. “Better, but I'm still not quite back to normal. Kissing does seem to be helping, though.”

“Are you sure? You don't want to try something else?”

“I think more kissing. Just to be sure.”

“You're right, I should thoroughly explore this... remedy... before – mmph!”

Neville's words are muffled when Harry drags him back down onto the picnic blanket. But that's okay. Harry doesn't need to hear them. He can feel them in every kiss of Neville's lips against his.


End file.
